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Extensionitis and the Weird Stuff in Rural Cavite

Jan 9th 2009
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This is the first time I encountered a doctor who believes in voodoo being the cause of his medical condition. He believes his wife is doing this to him for some funny thing he’s doing. In fact, now that “someone” has explained this situation to me, it somehow made sense why wifey was so insistent on getting my autograph. My source believes that wifey needs a sample of my writing so that she could apply some voodoo on me and squeeze some info from me regarding her supposed philandering husband.

Good thing I was suspicious on why she “needed” my autograph as opposed to “wanting” it, but I never considered voodoo as a reason. I just diverted the conversation to something else so she quit insisting.

Just when I thought my life exists in hard core science, something comes up and shakes it. Weird, weird place.


There is an existing rule of thumb among the simple folks in rural Cavite: THE MORE OBNOXIOUS THE PATIENT IS, THE PRETTIER THE UNDERPANTS HE HAS ON. This has been proven time and time again. We have a variety – the pink cotton panties (Oooh! Floral!), the lavender laced panties, the printed panties with the teddy bears or hearts, down to bikini cuts. Supposed reason being: panties are cheaper than men’s underpants. And they’re more comfy, too.

So to that drunken buttwipe who came in last weekend – I know why you didn’t want us to take your pants off!!!

It is in Medical ethics that a doctor should not charge a fellow doctor with their PF. This extends to the immediate family of the doctor who is dependent on him/her. However, in this country, a lot of patients suffer from what some of us in the medical field would like to call “extentionitis.” This means someone who would want to benefit from this special agreement even though he is not an “extension” or a dependent of a doctor. This condition is so bad that sometimes, a patient will go as far as being not even being related to a doctor.

For instance, I had 2 cases over the weekend: an old lady claiming to be the very very close friend of Beth who has a daughter that works in the hospital. Asked who the daughter is, she hasn’t a clue. Asked if the daughter is a doctor, a nurse, or any other member of the staff, I only got a blank stare. And two blinks. Anyway, she still will have to be charged with my PF because she is obviously suffering from extensionitis. The 2nd is a drunken guy whose son I attended to after being mauled during a drinking spree. Not only were drunks difficult to deal with, his son was not an easy case. And in both cases, they were demanding that I shouldn’t charge them… heck, drunk guy allegedly even threw a fit in the E.R.

What were thinking??? Were they even thinking at all? I had to ask my colleague if my price was reasonable. He said it was. I had considered giving him a discount so he’d give it up and go home. Still, drunk guy was persistent on not being charged with my PF. I thought I was close to not being able to receive any professional fee for what I’ve done for his difficult son and his unruly drunk posse (who was making my management even more difficult for the singular patient), if not for some very enterprising nurses and staff.

And this is the reason why not all doctors are wealthy.


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